Parents Corner

Getting students to school can be very frustrating for a parent, especially if you are getting ready for work yourself.  Below are some simple techniques recommended by the experts and those with years of parenting wisdom. 

Look for the Pattern. Is this just a one-time occurrence, or is this a daily ritual?   If this is the first time they’ve struggled, it might just be something simple: they don’t feel well, or there is a test.  If this is a common occurrence, then it’s necessary to dig a little deeper.

Ask Questions. Asking questions might seem like a simple thing, but it is important to find the reason behind the behavior.  Questions, however, should be open-ended.  “Simply asking is someone bothering you at school, and that’s why you don’t want to go,” might encourage them to answer.  A good start might be, “How do you feel when you have to get ready for school?” Also, asking questions to share what happened before they began to feel that way might give insight into why they behave the way they are.  

Listen. While the right type of questions might be important, listening, really listening to the answers is more important.  For example, if your child shares, he doesn’t have any friends, which might mean several different things.  He might not have many friends, or he might want a particular student to be his friend.  Most importantly, remember you are an adult with adult views.  Your child, however, is a child with child views.  As a listener, it’s important not to place your views on your child.  If you are angry with your spouse, don’t place that anger on your child.  That includes watching your language.  Using words such as bully when it was one incident makes the situation worse.

Set Routines:  Children need stability.  By setting a routine each school night and morning, you might be able to alleviate some issues.  For example, having them set out one or two different outfits the night before can solve the issue of dressing in the morning.  In your routine, you can also add fun choices.  Are you making lunch?  Let them pick out their choice of snack as soon as they get dressed for school.   A checklist is also an excellent tool for setting routines.  Many families are so rushed in the morning; a checklist on the door helps them remember everything needed for school.  For younger students, a simple picture of what needs to be brought can be used. 

Build Relationships.  Students often don’t want to come to school because they feel they don’t have any relationships.  Supporting friendships in class is one way to build relationships.  Ask your child the name of one student she wants to get to know better and see if you can set up any playdates.

Talk to Their Teacher.  While many parents try everything on their own, your child’s teacher can help.  They can help build friendships at school, talk to your child, or greet them each morning.  In difficult situations, the administration can help.  Know you are not alone, and this is not an unusual problem.